"Hold It Against Me"
Why does this video begin with a weird alien language and a comet coming to hit Earth? What does this have to do with anything? Jesse says the comet reminds her of War of the Worlds and the alien invasion. I guess it infects the world with color? Apparently we start with Britney's perfume and men getting dressed? I appreciate the American apparel briefs. Jesse thinks her necklace is from Forever 21.Her bullet belt is kind of bad. We also have ads forever Make Up Forever and Plenty of Fish. The floating dress in the sea of videos is a weird steam punk concept. Her arm gloves are kind of a single ladies rip off. Now we have Texas hair. Jesse thinks her Louisiana side is coming out. She looks healthier but the eyeless dancers are pretty bad. Add Sony to the list of product placement. Now she is, as Jesse put it, jizzing color out of her fingers everywhere. All over her white dress while the video cuts to her fight herself in couture. And then all of the sudden she is done fighting and jizzing and we end with major boobage in a corset. What ever became of the comet?
"Till the World Ends"
Oh apparently the comets are back in this video. This is the second video to have a title card and director card. What the hell? Apparently Britney is so underground that she is literally underground. Good think they brought the steam punk goggles. Jesse said "That jacket is dangerous" and we like it. This is basically a post-apocalyptic orgy with Britney in a bad wig but this song is a great dance song. So many jokes can be made about her ripped hose (hoes?). These dudes she is dancing with are at least 10/15 years her junior. Does that make her a cougar? She has plenty of time to dance and grind but not enough time to wash her wig. The red lace body suit with the high thong is dangerous in that she looks terrible and you shouldn't wear fish net when preparing for a Thunderdome existence. Apparently, the comets cleared and the world is okay now. Great. Let's light off the fire sprinklers. Jesse summarizes the video best with this: "No one with a mohawk is going to be partying with Britney even if it is the end of the world."
"I Wanna Go"
Another title and director card? Is that really necessary? Apparently this video is going to be funny. Jesse instantly pointed out that the guy she thinks is cool is Guillermo Diaz who I didn't know but apparently is Cameron Diaz's brother and is on Scandal. He is kind of cute. She really just looks like a poor man's Avril in this video causing mischief. Product placement for VW! She apparently can get out of anything just using her boobs or just having intercourse with a cop. Such a feminist. Is this more a promotional video for the ailing Hot Topic than a music video? I do like the mock billboard for Crossroads 2. Apparently, she has magic powers and a magic mike (PUN) that she can use to fight what appears to be a terminator that is trying to harm her. This video has taken a turn quickly. Apparently, Guillermo is rescuing her from the terminators. Where did he get that milk from? Why is he dumping it on his face? Why does she find milk sexy? Why did this get so weird so fast? Why do I love seashells also?
"Criminal"
So we have another video at a fancy party? Great. She looks beautiful but who is this douche bag? Are we doing another tortured lover video? Apparently, when you use a Britney perfume it gives you strength to stand up for yourself. Jesse thinks this is escalating into an after school special quickly. All of the sudden she is being rescued by her former manager and as of recent ex boyfriend (Jesse caught that it was him)? He has a great apartment. Damn this sex scene is more subdued than usual. Kinds of reminds me of a lovely romantic movie sex scene. AND HE BRINGS HER COFFEE. Keep him. Apparently he has a tattoo on his chest that says RIP Goose that Jesse also caught. So Britney and Manager Man are a modern Bonnie and Clyde and I like it. Second sex scene in the shower with mega boobage. Oh know. Britney got busted in Britain and they are just making out and dodging those videos. Love is a super power apparently. Her hair and her dancing are on point. I am glad they made it out because with love making like that it would be a shame for them to die.
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