Unsure Existentialism

I am not really sure what existentialism is. I mean I could Google it. In fact, I just did to make sure I spelled it right. I saw "I Heart Huckabees" and I think that movie had something to do with existentialism but I was also in college and everything blew my mind at that time.

I think I might be thinking a lot about existentialism but I am not sure. This is why I bring this up. I think that I just like thinking that I think I am being existential and therefore don't want to look it up for fear that I am wrong. What if the internet just says that I am not being existential and that I am just a dumb privileged white boy? That would make me sad and I am already prone to sadness enough as it is. I don't need the internet reminding my that I am not a snowflake.

This isn't supposed to be a post where I get all down on myself so I am just going to draw the line there on that front. I did go to a Manic Pixie Dream Girl movie today about love and abortion and those kinds of movies make me have feeling about being connect and everyone's experience existing in a vortex and just being spit back out through different bodies. Here is a list of movies that make me think like this:

• Away We Go
• 500 Days of Summer
• Garden State
• The Royal Tennenbaums
• Almost Famous

There are probably a lot more but that list got boring. I am sure there a lot more. I really wanted to put Star Wars or Jurassic Park on that list to fuck with you but I didn't because I felt like that list should be really true to life. I want someone to find that list in 200 years and think that those movies are the greatest works of our time.

After the movie, I came home and walked the dog around the neighborhood and I realized how great everything in the entire world was and how naive and silly that was but that it was great that I could feel like everything was beautiful and know that not everything is beautiful at the exact same time. I walked the dog who did not really need a walk by all the bars so I could see all the people and their Saturday outfits (white Converse are really cool right this minute) and their booze smiles and the dim neon and just kind of soak it up. I thought about how this is the kind of shit I am going to tell my nieces and nephews about in like 20 years when they want to know what Portland was like in the 2010s. It is like how I get really excited when I meet someone who lived in San Francisco in the 60s and 70s and I ask them a million questions. I needed to walk around tonight so I could just see everything so I could describe it to Jake's nephew Jack when he is 23 and thinks Boise, ID or Cheyenne, WY are the coolest city in the world.

I am really happy to be here today.