Britney's Video Catalog Volume Four: In The Zone

"In The Zone" may still be my favorite Britney album of all time. It has a good mix of different kinds of tracks from dance to slow to hip hop. Additionally, I know that I like the video for "Toxic" and for "Everytime" so I have high hopes for this album.

"Me Against the Music"

Just starts right away with an add for a Mazda. Britney is wearing a bondage style, vinyl pants suit and milling around a bunch of people which seems to be a common theme. Madonna is in another room in an all white pimp suit just lerking and watching B. on an old tube TV. Great. We are at our second advertisement with only 37 seconds in. Do you remember LidRock? Where when you went to Sbarro the drink lid gave you a code to download the song. Madonna does have a cute bulldog to keep her company as she records herself on a web cam. I guess I have to remember this is when Desperate Housewives was on TV so cougars were high fashion. Amazing dance number though. Madonna and Britney are now grinding on each other through the wall. Madonna is just writhing around as Britney leads a small dance troupe on the other side. Now they are off and trying to find each other in a wood maze. Madonna is trapped in what looks to be like mix between a hamster cage and a grade school playground and Britney and troupe have moved to a black light alley complete with appropriated graffiti. Finally, our divas have united in basically a maximum security prison cell with a bed frame. And they are just grinding on the entire thing. Madonna is back to her pimp lair dancing with what appears to be the cast of Mad Men. I do love the balsa wood maze though. Surprise ending is that when Britney finally makes it to the pimp lair she corners Madonna to kiss her but Madonna disappears. Madonna kissing Britney was old news at this point.

"Toxic"

I love that this video begins with CGI birds flying in from of a CGI plane with the hottest future flight attendant. Britney is a bad fight attendant. Her hat is crooked and she is spilling on guys' crotches. Kissing babies she shouldn't. Britney, you have to ask before you just kiss babies. Making out with old business men. Oh no, that isn't a business man. It is a top secret agent. She can tell because she pulled off his face to reveal another face. And she is going to grind on him to steal his phone. She might be a terrible flight attendant but she is great a fighting crime.

Now she is in Paris as a fire headed vixen just riding on the back of a motorcycle with Tyson Beckford who neglected a helmet. This cat suit costume and crazy make up is by far the coolest Britney look yet. She looks like a cooler version of Scar Jo in The Avengers. They should have cast Britney as the Black Widow.  She is breaking in and stealing a secret serum and just dancing out of that trick laser maze. Britney as a super hero is amazing. 

We have yet another disguise as Britney scales the side of a building in what looks like bondage that had tie dye fabric hanging from it. Britney with black hair is suprising hot. She is just waltzing in and making out with the male spy from the plane and now she is poisoning her former spy lover with the serum she stole. Full circle.

"Everytime"

Flying over Vegas with a sign about her tour. Looking so good in her mermaid hair in a limo. Just throwing on a ball cap so she can squeeze through the paparazzi and be ignored by this manager dude. A day in the life. This video makes me feel creepy because I feel like everything in this video has probably happened many times to B. Manager dude is just losing it throwing the tabloids everywhere and embarrassing Britney. Man this relationship is toxic. (See what I did there.) And they just fight. This video came out before Kevin Federline. It is like she is a little psychic and knew what she was getting into. So she just takes off her top and gets into the tub and we get to see her mermaid hair covering her boobs. Suddenly, her head is bleeding and now she is ghostly running through a hospital watching herself die. Everyone always calls this the one where she kills herself but I think she just has a traumatic brain injury from when manager dude kind of shoves her into a wall. Manager dude, who I think is someone famous but I can't remember (but Jake later tells me is Stephen Dorff), walks in and finds her drown in the tub. She is just a sad blue body.  Most of the rest of the video is her singing in front of a woman giving birth while her blue body is being rushed to a hospital. I kind of feel like a some point they could just sync up Elton singing "Circle of Life" and you would still understand the video. Jesus, this video is beautiful but depressing. I think it is smart that the video ends with Britney coming up for air from the tube and smiling so people know she is okay. We get to see her red Kabbalah string. Remember those?

I originally had "Outrageous" on this list as a video but after further research I learned that a video for "Outrageous" was never actually created because it was on this very video that she hurt her knee and had to have immediate surgery which is the reason I didn't get to see her the first time I bought tickets 10 years ago. The total video count is now down to 40 videos because I do not count Britney's 45 seconds of material with Snoop Dogg.

I wish there were more singles or just more videos from this album. It was such a great period for Britney and when she was really at her prime sexy game. She was pushing boundaries. "Me Against The Music" isn't my favorite video but it isn't the worst and "Toxic" and "Everytime" are top contenders for all time favorite.

Update: I just added in all the videos for your viewing pleasure. I love that in the first two stills Britney has a weird mouth gape but in the last still for "Everytime" she is probably eating Warheads with that pucker. Kind of goes with the videos perfectly.