"I'm a Slave 4 U"
This video looks so sweaty. When did sweat become sexy? It just seems like a very stinky, sticky set. Her hair looks really dirty. Gratuitous abs! Apparently, the premise of this video is that when the world runs out of water we start to wear out lacy panties on the outside of our jeans. And everyone kind of dances just a little slow and mostly lays around. This video is just a painful reminder of the downside of Summer. It is mostly slow sweaty writhing. Now they are having a clothed orgy which seems counter intuitive when it is this hot. DJ don't drip sweat on your records! It is going to cause an electrical malfunction. But wait, the rain is coming! Good for them. I am glad they can wash off all of those bodily secretions.
"Overprotected"
We have Britney driving a silver car in stunna shades and nice little tink tink background noise as the video is kicking off. Her hair looks good in this video. Good for 2002. She is wearing the craziest pants though. Tight velvet with rhinestones down the side. She looks a lot like Madonna. This video mostly revolves around Britney dancing on a chaise and her new friends discovering her secret dance warehouse. Now they are dancing together. She made secret friends and she is so excited that she needs to hump the wall. Like a hyper Pomeranian who happens to make new friends and instantly know the same choreographed dance numbers. I love Britney's warehouse Fortress of Solitude. It has a room with picture of her all over and news headlines and the walls close in on her. What a metaphor! She is wearing a new crazy dress thing with printed hearts and in bizarre floral pattern and looks even more like Madonna and just throwing dance moves for now reason. The video ends with the poutiest of pouty looks which would make sense if this video had any plot.
We have Britney driving a silver car in stunna shades and nice little tink tink background noise as the video is kicking off. Her hair looks good in this video. Good for 2002. She is wearing the craziest pants though. Tight velvet with rhinestones down the side. She looks a lot like Madonna. This video mostly revolves around Britney dancing on a chaise and her new friends discovering her secret dance warehouse. Now they are dancing together. She made secret friends and she is so excited that she needs to hump the wall. Like a hyper Pomeranian who happens to make new friends and instantly know the same choreographed dance numbers. I love Britney's warehouse Fortress of Solitude. It has a room with picture of her all over and news headlines and the walls close in on her. What a metaphor! She is wearing a new crazy dress thing with printed hearts and in bizarre floral pattern and looks even more like Madonna and just throwing dance moves for now reason. The video ends with the poutiest of pouty looks which would make sense if this video had any plot.
"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"
I think this is the video from Crossroads. I really hope so. It opens where her conquering a desert peak. She is just sitting on that magical cliff in her ruffly peasant top that shows off her midriff. She is looking ripped as she explores these beautiful CGI caverns. Who decided it was a good idea for Britney to sing about the differences between being a girl and a woman in land of canyons and caves. It is like a living Georgia O'Keeffe painting. They literally keep pulling in and out with the camera from a tight cavern as she sings the chorus. This is definitely not the Crossroad video. More vagina cavern as she sings "I am trying to find the woman in me". I think Britney may singlehandedly be responsible for low rise pants muffin tops.
"Overprotected (Darkchild Remix)"
So this is the second video for the same song except this is the Darkchild Remix which just seems like a gratuitous reason to make another video but the first one was trash so I guess I can't complain. We begin with a news cast about Britney being too sexy at an awards show. Britney TOO sexy? No way. She is just a tiger who needs out. And now she is escaping her hotel room protected by a body guard. Messing with the security cameras. Dancing in the sexiest yellow bandanna dress. Her but is inches from showing but the long loin cloth has the front business covered. Britney is moving out of the hotel and is in a super stretch CGI limo that is turning into a club. Oh Britney you minx. Fancy dance number with strobes in the ornate hotel lobby is mediocre and she is wearing pink stockings with the snaps and straps on the outside of jeans. Not a good look. She has moved on to dancing in the pouring rain and getting so sensually soaked. She really upped her sexy game from video one with contact near butt shots.
"I Love Rock N' Roll"
The video begins with a mic tap and a "Is This Thing On". Really Britney? By this point I am used to suspending reality when watching your videos but you just stumbling upon a full set up stage with guitars to just sing your favorite rock song? The fake vintage footage in the beginning makes you look a lot more Janis Joplin than Joan Jett and they breathy voice works for your other songs but this is a bad cover. She looks like she is just wearing TGIF flare and has partnered with Savage Garden to just lay down the world's worst track. Why do you have a phone number on your hand? Why is the amp making a puddle and why is she crawling towards it? Gross baby voice complimented by gratuitous abs! Now she is dry riding a motorcycle with a leather hat which transitions to her smashing amps that launch glitter. Really glitter on a Joan Jett cover video? Well I guess we can just wrap this video with a ton of greasy hair flips.
"Anticipating"
Before we get started, this video was difficult to find. Apparently, this is single that was only released in France and didn't even chart very well. This video is not part of any Britney channel I can find but my research says that it should be part of the cannon. It is live video from one of her tours and only has 52,265 views on YouTube. Here we go.
What is what this giant coloring books phone? And there are coloring book houses and a daintily umbrella dance? Now a pink Cadillac has pulled up with five of her closest friends and they are driving from coloring book house town to the stage and oh my god. Britney is wearing a floor length denim skirt with patchwork details and a patchwork crop top with a pleather hat. This song sounds like an amazing Janet. Now a coloring book Cadillac has shown up. Who decided on this weird coloring book idea for the set for her concert? These clothes are bananas. A back up dancer is wearing an asymmetrical vinyl skirt. Britney can dance in this video. It really shows how great of a performer she was in her heyday. Boys just emerged from the trap door in the floor. This video is kind of really cute but still cheesy. Gratuitous Pepsi drink! Now she is getting the crowd to sing with her. Britney was really the boss once upon a time no matter how wacky her clothes were. I might have to download this song.
What is what this giant coloring books phone? And there are coloring book houses and a daintily umbrella dance? Now a pink Cadillac has pulled up with five of her closest friends and they are driving from coloring book house town to the stage and oh my god. Britney is wearing a floor length denim skirt with patchwork details and a patchwork crop top with a pleather hat. This song sounds like an amazing Janet. Now a coloring book Cadillac has shown up. Who decided on this weird coloring book idea for the set for her concert? These clothes are bananas. A back up dancer is wearing an asymmetrical vinyl skirt. Britney can dance in this video. It really shows how great of a performer she was in her heyday. Boys just emerged from the trap door in the floor. This video is kind of really cute but still cheesy. Gratuitous Pepsi drink! Now she is getting the crowd to sing with her. Britney was really the boss once upon a time no matter how wacky her clothes were. I might have to download this song.
"Boys"
This video begins with the nerd from the New Guy. Love that. Apparently, we are in a French chateau where Britney has a harem of Amazonian warriors tending to her every need. She has amazing hair in this video so far. And a crazy long table with sexy strawberries. This video is kind of really good and their is just a zebra walking around. PHARELL! He is singing and Britney is stalking her prey. Man, this video is sexy. Legitimately sexy with boys dripping water while they swim and Pharell and Britney just breathy singing at each other in a dark blue lit bar. Now the dance number begins and AUSTIN POWERS is here. Brit is wearing an all black sequin and leather outfit kind of like Janet's wardrobe malfunction with an awesome purple tulle underlay. Now her and Austin Powers are doing the funky chicken together. They are getting kind of close. They are escaping to the secret top of the fancy chateau. Britney could only be so lucky.
"Boys" is a diamond in the rough. Most of these videos are just sexy balls of shit and "Anticipating" is just weird and maybe doesn't even really count. "Boys" could be considered my favorite so far.
This video begins with the nerd from the New Guy. Love that. Apparently, we are in a French chateau where Britney has a harem of Amazonian warriors tending to her every need. She has amazing hair in this video so far. And a crazy long table with sexy strawberries. This video is kind of really good and their is just a zebra walking around. PHARELL! He is singing and Britney is stalking her prey. Man, this video is sexy. Legitimately sexy with boys dripping water while they swim and Pharell and Britney just breathy singing at each other in a dark blue lit bar. Now the dance number begins and AUSTIN POWERS is here. Brit is wearing an all black sequin and leather outfit kind of like Janet's wardrobe malfunction with an awesome purple tulle underlay. Now her and Austin Powers are doing the funky chicken together. They are getting kind of close. They are escaping to the secret top of the fancy chateau. Britney could only be so lucky.
"Boys" is a diamond in the rough. Most of these videos are just sexy balls of shit and "Anticipating" is just weird and maybe doesn't even really count. "Boys" could be considered my favorite so far.
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